Stop Vomiting on People by Leslie Vernick 


These days we are influenced by a culture of talk and tweets. We’re told to express our feelings, hold nothing back. We’ve all seen in national news how people’s unrestrained talk and tweets get them into public hot water. Every day I see the relational fallout that comes from thoughtless, foolish, deceitful, and cruel words.

But there are times we ought to keep our negative thoughts and emotions to ourselves and refuse to give them a voice. The Bible warns us that our tongue can be a mighty weapon, for good and for evil. (James 3:6-10). Proverbs says, “Reckless words pierce like a sword” (Proverbs 12:18). We can damage a person’s spirit, family, or reputation by blurting out negative thoughts and feelings without any thought or prayer. Yes, it might temporarily help you feel better when you’re mad or hurt to blurt them out, but I liken blurting to vomit. It does feel better to get vomit out, but vomit belongs in the toilet and not on another person.

It’s not only good for the other person that you learn not to blurt your negative thoughts and feelings during moments of great intensity. It is also good for you.

Proverbs 21:23 says, “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.”

Proverbs 13:3 says, “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.”

1 Peter 3:10 says, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.”

Imagine how much better you would feel if you weren’t always complaining or critical of something wrong in your life? How would your relationships be improved if the people in your life weren’t wary of your reckless or deceitful words? How different would you feel about yourself if you weren’t so captured by your own negative feelings and thoughts?

Here are three things you can do to stop blurting.

  1. Decide: No matter how negatively you feel, make a conscious decision that you will not vomit your toxic emotions out on others. (Don’t get me wrong – you may have to speak some hard words at times, but hard words need not be harsh words). The psalmist determined, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence” (Psalm 39:1).
  2. Acknowledge the struggle: In Psalm 39 despite his vow to keep silent, the psalmist found keeping quiet tough. Silence didn’t bring the psalmist satisfaction but more anguish (see verses 2 and 3). During a time of anguish and temptation, write a no-send letter venting out your feelings or praying them out to God until you can get a better perspective and calm down.
  3. Remember the big picture:It’s crucial that you understand that YOU are much more than your temporal thoughts and feelings. We all have negative thoughts and feelings but it’s important to not allow them to have us. Instead of getting stuck in your mood or negative thoughts, remind yourself that you are more than your feelings and you will have to give an account to God for how you handled yourself during times of adversity. Remember your goal (I don’t want to vomit on people), your deeper desires (I want to be a godly person, or I don’t want to have regrets later) or your core values (I want to treat people as I would like to be treated). This practice helps us develop the muscle of restraint and self-control so that we don’t become a slave to our emotions.

Dietrich Bonheoffer said, “Often we combat our evil thoughts most effectively if we absolutely refuse to allow them to be expressed in words…It must be a decisive rule of every Christian fellowship that each individual is prohibited from saying much that occurs to him.”

Decide today that you will no longer let your negative feelings get the best of you and hurt other people.


7 Signs Your Partner Is Too Selfish For A Relationship

Go to this link if not found below


06/14/2016 06:10 pm ET

7 Signs Your Partner Is Too Selfish For A Relationship

If you’re only there to stroke his or her ego, it’s time to leave.


By Brittany Wong


“Wait, could you stop so I can get a selfie?”


Not everyone you find yourself attracted to is necessary cut out for a relationship. Unfortunately, some people have a long way to go until they’re compassionate and selfless enough to give out genuine love.

Below, therapists and other relationship experts share seven signs the person you’re seeing is too self-centered for a long-term relationship.

  1. They care more about your career than your character. 

If you never feel quite good enough for your partner — and she’s much more interested in what you do than who you are — consider it a big, glaring red flag, said Karyl McBride, a therapist and author of Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family.

“The ‘what you do’ may be status-oriented qualities, like looks or career accomplishments, but often it is about what you ‘do’ for her,” she said. “You will find that your partner is not as interested in who you really are as a person because she lacks the capacity to emotionally tune in and provide empathy. In this situation, you don’t feel seen or heard and often feel invisible.”

  1. You feel controlled by their many rules.

People with narcissistic personalities put high expectations on others — and when you fail to meet those expectations, judgement almost always follows, said Jan Hill, a Toronto-based counselor and author of Happy Sex: Putting Passion and Play Back into Your Relationship. 

“To help you meet those expectations, people with big egos establish rules,” she said. “For example, one narcissist I know wanted his girlfriend to give him 24-hour notice if she was going out with her friends and he wanted to know where she was going. Meanwhile, he maintained spontaneity in his own social life.”

Relationship rules that aren’t applied equally “create resentment, anger and shut down any possibilities for real, respectful and honest love,” Hill said.

  1. Your partner prioritizes “me” over “we.”

Your partner should value your opinion, embrace a team mentality and consider the collective couple when making decisions, said Samantha Burns, a Boston-based relationship counselor and dating coach. When you’re with a quality partner, your happiness matters just as much as hers.

“If she doesn’t stop to think about your preferences, she likely won’t be able to prioritize your happiness at any point,” Burns said. “This can lead to dissatisfaction, disconnection and a potential breakup.”

Subscribe to the Lifestyle email

Life hacks and juicy stories to get you through the week.

Top of Form

Bottom of Form

  1. They sabotage your success.

A narcissistic personality will share the spotlight, but only up to a point. The second your success starts to overshadows his there’s bound to be trouble, Hill said.

“If you have your own career aspirations and your success could take the spotlight off him, he will sabotage you,” she said. “One classic sabotage technique is this: just before your big interview, your partner will make a demand of your time or have an emotional fit that will distract you from your goal and you will fail to achieve to the best of your potential because you were too busy helping out.”

  1. They never ask, “How was your day?” 

Getting home and ranting to your partner about subway outages and your crappy workday is one of the great joys of life. You deserve someone who not only asks, “how was your day, honey?” but actuallylistens to what you have to say, even if your response is 90 percent complaining, Burns said.

“It’s hard to feel like you really matter to someone who always dominates the conversation — it’s as if you’re only there to stroke his ego,” she said “To be with someone who never stops to ask about how your day was is a red flag. The one-sided dynamic can leave you in the shadows and unhappy.”

  1. They talk over you.

Good luck getting a word in edgewise; a self-centered partner seems to enjoy the sound of her voice a lot more than yours, said Debra Campbell, a psychologist and couple’s therapist in Melbourne, Australia.

“And when you disagree, your partner is more concerned with defending her position than acknowledging your point of view,” she said. “Feeling heard is a vital part of feeling loved, so the result is usually to feel emotionally sidelined when a partner consistently doesn’t listen well.”

  1. You have to beg your partner to do things you want to do.

Compromise is essential in any healthy relationship. It should worry you if your partner doesn’t care about your opinion, isn’t willing to take “no” for an answer or guilt trips you into making decisions, Burns said.

“You shouldn’t have to beg, nag or pull teeth to get your partner to participate in your activities, whether it’s the vacation spot you’ve been dying to get to, or the restaurant you want to try for dinner,” she said. “Your needs and wants are just as important as hers and you will likely grow resentful if your mate can’t create a healthy balance of compromise.”


How do you soothe the pain?

What do 'YOU' do when you are in 'emotional' pain? Recently, someone said to me, "You have to find something different to use to 'soothe' the pain." Hummm, well I love to look up definitions, so check this out. To soothe means several things, but in this case I am specifically using this definition: to exert a soothing influence; bring tranquillity, calm, ease, or comfort.

Quite frankly, I use 'sugar' or better said, eating, sipping, picking, nibbling, tasting, snacking, sweet,
sometimes salty, always yummy items on the taste buds, roast a marshmallow over the stove burner, all usually while mulling over things. You know, past the lips straight to the hips… or belly, no matter, it is very poor care of my 'temple' not to mention addictive and rather unsightly in my full length mirror at times! So, Yes I must change this! Furthermore, I realize that after all my years of living, "pain" just isn't going away! Matter of fact it seems as I am getting older, it is even more frequent a visitor. 'Age' brings knowledge that hurts, well really knowledge of all kinds. I do trust the Lord! He is going to use the hurt, the stress, the upheaval, the illness, the job loss, the changes I am not prepared for,… to move me forward towards my eternal destination and continue to shape my character to be more like Jesus. However, this does NOT annihilate pain!

This internet thing can bring some interesting options to mind fast when all one has to do is "Google it"! So that is what I am doing in my spare time, looking for ideas people have written and floated out there on this. So what you got to offer up?

Since many of you are experienced at this, (feeling pain) I am putting out the question to you! What positive action or choice do you know is good, right, and works well for you much of the time? Thank you right up front a while, because I am sure I am not the only one who will benefit, but many others here will too!

We Told Our Friends “We’re Getting Divorced”—Their Response? Changed Everything

{This is TRUTH, I have been bold when a couple we knew were fighting and one was ready to leave…. I said, you aren’t going any where if you want to please God. Furthermore, you walk out that door, you are telling her you give up, and you aren’t fighting for anymore.’ No one wants to think they aren’t worth hanging in with the fight, until it comes to some kind of resolution! And not one ofgiving ip on love. This story is beautifully accurate. So get to it and READ!!!!!! If you know marriages that are struggling or headed towards separation or Divorce, send to each person! Send to acquaintenances you don’t know well, so they know you know & you care! Lastly, perhaps post to your page where maybe a situation you don’t know about, is quietly unfolding badly, pray for strength to be HONEST, KIND, & LOVINGLY firm, should you enter a conversation that calls for this kind of genuine, authentic, real, caring, LOVE. Then PRAY for them. We live in a cultural environment that essentially says, “If it feels good, do it!”, or, “Hey you deserve Happiness, after-all doesn’t God want you to be Happy?” !!! That, people, is the Snake talking! Do not be decieved! ~Dee}

For Every MomMenu

We Told Our Friends “We’re Getting Divorced”—Their Response? Changed Everything

Ours was a fairytale wedding, but after two years we announced we were getting divorced. Then our friends and family did something we did NOT see coming.
Tammie Haveman By Tammie Haveman
Ours was a fairytale wedding. Madly in love, tears of joy streaming down our cheeks, we promised unwavering devotion to each other for better or worse.

When we were declared husband and wife, I thought my happily ever after was about to commence.
Only it didn’t.
It turned out that marriage was not what either of us expected. We brought into it two imperfect people who struggled to find our footing as we navigated old baggage, misunderstanding and conflict.
We said things we shouldn’t have said and each demanded our own way. We doused every argument with fire and allowed selfishness to seep into the fabric of our relationship.
And though we read all the books and prayed all the prayers, we nearly buckled under the weight of the perfect image we’d created for our relationship. After all, we were the quintessential Christian couple. We loved Jesus. We were supposed to be nailing this marriage thing.

Our fledgling marriage quickly spiraled downward. And within two years, as young and defeated adversaries, we stood at the edge of divorce ready to jump.
Sometimes I’m haunted by how close we came to walking away from our marriage. By the world’s standards of a happy marriage, no one would’ve blamed us. Because we were miserable and had grown apart in every sense of the word.
But we were given a gift of immeasurable value: truthful words spoken by faithful friends.
As we slowly revealed the impending devastation of our marriage to family and friends, we were met with one overwhelming response: not on our watch.
I logged countless nights sitting cross legged on the floor of my bedroom, forehead pressed against the mattress, sobbing as I poured out our troubles to my friend Kim. She listened for hours at a time, wisely coaching me to love my husband and walk in a manner pleasing to the Lord. She always reminded me that my behavior was my own responsibility and advised me to treat my husband with respect – regardless of how I felt about him.

When Dave lamented to Kim’s husband, Dan how unfortunate it was that our marriage was ending, Dan pointedly told him no, it wasn’t. He reminded Dave of the vows he made before God and family and clearly stated that he expected Dave to live up to the commitment he made.
Dave’s parents stepped in with unwavering encouragement and gentle admonition to keep our covenant before God. My mom, having been down the road of divorce, offered endless compassion and urged me to fight for my marriage knowing divorce would be far worse.

Other friends and family who knew our marriage was crumbling covered us in prayer and love but didn’t stop there. They weren’t afraid to hold us accountable to our vows and our own behavior.
Looking back, Dave and I marvel that no one … NO ONE … told us what we wanted to hear or let us off the hook of the commitment we made. In fact, we laugh today at the choice words we wanted to fire back when hard words were spoken to us in love.
We are grateful that after supporting us through the storms of our early marriage, key friends and family continued to walk with us for the next eighteen years, speaking Godly truth through seasons of trials and joy.
Real love has the courage to say hard things.

The world tries to tell you that happiness is simply a matter of putting yourself first. A true friend will remind you that selfishness is the cancer of relationships, especially marriage, and that love always puts others first.

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4
The world tries to tell you that a good marriage is full of romantic feelings. A true friend will remind you that feelings are fleeting and a good marriage is full of commitment and hard work.
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
The world will tell you to run when the going gets tough. A true friend will remind you that your vows matter and encourage you to keep walking through the fire. Because there will be deeper love and great joy on the other side if you don’t give up.
If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. Numbers 30:2
Had we given up, we would’ve thrown away the most treasured relationship in each of our lives. We are by no means perfect, and neither is our marriage, but we are best friends. We are closer, stronger, more committed and far more in love now than we were twenty years ago as naive kids looking for a fairy tale.
I realize that there are grave issues that can lead a couple to divorce and not every marriage can be saved. But the most cited reasons for divorce are things like communication problems, arguing and unmet expectations. And studies have shown that most couples regret their divorce in the long run. Still our society is quick to usher couples down the path of divorce towards a mirage of happiness. This ought not be so.
Maybe you know someone who is struggling in their marriage. Have the courage to speak gentle truth over them. Always with tenderness and covered in prayer, wade into the weeds with that weary couple to encourage them in their marriage. Let truth drown out the lies that the world doles out about marriage and happiness. And point them to the Lord every step of the way.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6

photo credit:
photo credit:

This article originally appeared at Twenty Shekels.

Tammie Haveman

By Tammie Haveman

Tammie is the wife to a gem of a husband and mama to four of the nicest kids you’ll ever meet. She chases her kids and a menagerie of horses, goats, and chickens around her little hobby farm out in the Minnesota countryside. Tammie is passionate about God’s command to love and serve others in community. She plays an active role in women’s ministry at her church and serves as assistant director of a nonprofit that wraps around isolated kids and families. Tammie blogs about hospitality, faith, and serviceat You can also catch her on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.

This article by Leslie Vernick could have been called: “I lost myself in this marriage” Leslie speaks on what to do about it.

I Am Lost. I Need Help.

Share on LinkedInPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someoneShare on Facebook

Morning friends,

Whew, I’m glad I’m in Arizona and not in Pennsylvania. This week the East Coast was hit with a March blizzard and friends back there are sending me their pictures digging out of the snow. Here in Arizona, we are in an unusual heat wave. Temperatures are in the high 80’s and the sun is hot. But I love it. I’m so glad I don’t have to battle the snow anymore.

Just a quick reminder. There are many people who read this blog who never post or respond. But I do want them to gain the value from all of your responses. So many of you are so kind to give so much of your time and wisdom to one another and I deeply appreciate it. Just keep in mind that when you respond to a particular person, especially over and over, it may feel a bit awkward to others who are reading your responses, as if they are listening in on a private conversation.

I 100% support and value your personal responses to others on this blog. Please don’t stop. They have been meaningful to those who have received them. But let’s not forget that we are also a group. I don’t know about you, but I still have lingering insecurities from when I would go to a party or dance in junior high school. I’d stand there, trying to fit in, and a few girls were talking to each other while the rest of us stood around watching.

After a while, my negative self-talk would take over and I would tell myself that I wasn’t wanted, I had nothing to contribute, and I might as well go home. I know we can’t control what other people think but I do want to remind all of us to be mindful of the larger group, even while we are encouraging a specific sister.


Today’s Question: I need guidance…

I got married at the age of 21 to my husband who is 7 years older than me. It’s been 10 years now. He is a workaholic who cannot organize his life. We have 3 children together. Since I married him he has always been rude, belittling me, not supporting me and allowing his family to also disrespect me.

In my first year of marriage, I graduated university with a bachelor’s degree with honors and ambitions to strive further. I was threatened by my husband that he would leave me if I pursued further education. His father told me that my husband would cheat on me since he is a businessman and that I should be by his side with his business. So being a naive newlywed I listened.

Throughout my marriage my husband has been obsessed with work, I never know what time he will come through the door, I take all the kids to their activities. He’s hired me a nanny so that she can assist me with the kids since he works so many hours. He would reject me in bed, numerous times.

I try and focus on the positive. I say thank God he hasn’t physically abused me, or is not an alcoholic… but then I don’t want to ignore everything else.

He would get in arguments with me if I tried to put the kids to bed early. He has told me I am stupid, I’m a bitch, and that a stranger’s slippers are worth more than mine will ever be. He let his father crack jokes about our marriage, saying that if I don’t sit beside my husband another woman will come and take him.

I used to be a strong female. I used to be tough, I used to be happy…. it’s hard for me to be a good mother when I am dependent on him financially and have 3 little children.

Does anyone have any advice???? Please help me, I am lost. I have always been religious and prayed, I was even a virgin getting married, he was my first ever encounter and I feel so crippled.

Answer: You have come to the right place. In addition to my response to you, there are many women who have been in your shoes who will reach out to you and help you take your next steps forward so that you aren’t feeling so lost anymore.

The problem isn’t your husband right now. It is you. You are lost. You have allowed yourself to be diminished and squashed so long that you no longer feel like yourself. The strong capable woman who graduated with honors at 21 now feels like a crippled, unhappy, scared and dependent person.

So what can you do to get un-lost? To revive yourself? For so many women, they get stuck right here, expecting that their husband should change or their marriage should change so that they can be fine. But you have no control over your husband changing. You do have some control over your marriage changing once you learn to change your own dance steps in the marriage. But the only person you have any real control over is you. So change must start with you.

One of the things that happen to many women in destructive marriages with husbands who are like yours is that they isolate. They get busy with children and trying to be a good wife and mom and they neglect themselves and/or developing strong relationships with other women. Other times, their spouses control how often they go places by themselves or with who. They do this to isolate their wives.

Isolation is a strategy of control. It is one of the most dangerous things that can happen when someone is in a destructive marriage. Let’s look at why. In our country we have the freedom of the press, but lately, there are two very different camps of press coverage. The conservative bent and the liberal bent. Both are saying very disparaging things about the other. Both are polarizing. Both cast the other as the bad guy. If all you watch is the conservative channel or the liberal channel, your thinking becomes limited. You only look at things from one vantage point. You only see things the way the media wants you to see them. However, if you watched both, read various perspectives, prayed and thought about what you believe, you would have a much better chance of understanding what’s true.

In the same way, when all we hear day in and day out are the rants and remarks of a person who believes he’s always right we start to question ourselves. And, when we regularly hear that we are stupid, incapable, foolish, crazy, selfish and worse and there is no other input to counter those statements, we start to believe them. We lose the person we thought we were and may even become the person the other person accuses us of being.

That’s why children are so vulnerable when they have a parent or parents who regularly tell them that they are incapable, stupid, ugly, evil or a loser. When you have only one voice regularly defining who you are when you’re a child you usually believe it. You may even become that person. That’s why it’s so important for you to stretch out of your box and start to connect with other women. This blog is a good start. You may want to join CONQUER when it opens in May. Please look for a good church to attend and find women you can be real with and talk to.

Just last week a friend of mine wrote me an email, He had gotten skewered on another blog about some things he wrote about wives ministering to husbands. Someone accused him of awful things, none of which were true. It rattled him so much he reached out to me to ask for feedback. This was only a short encounter with a caustic person but it rattled his sense of himself for a moment. What helped was reaching out for more input. He needed more information so that he could put what he heard in its proper place.

In the same way, you need other people who will remind you of the gifts and abilities that God has put inside of you. You need women who can encourage you and challenge you in a good way not to allow yourself to be diminished by an insecure and difficult person (or his family). In fact, the only possibility for your marriage to be any different is for you to regain your strength. That is one of the things that attracted your husband to you in the first place. Now you must work hard to build it back.

What does that look like? It might mean you start to read books that help you grow and not be so impacted by your husband’s harsh words. It might mean that you get involved in a support group for women in destructive marriages. It might mean that you get a part time job to start building back your confidence and become less dependent on your spouse. Since you have a nanny, you might even start taking some on-line classes to further your education so that you are preparing for a career that uses the gifts and talents that God has given you once your children are older.

If you were lost in a large shopping mall, the first thing most people do is either ask for directions or head for a map of the mall. You’ve done that by asking for help. The map says you are X (here) – in a destructive marriage, feeling squashed, diminished, flattened out and depleted.

The next question you have to ask yourself is where do you want to go? You said you want to go to a place where you feel less dependent, stronger as a person, more resilient to his negative comments.

You also said you’ve always been a religious person and sexually waited until marriage. But this problem in your marriage is testing your faith. I believe God wants you to know him in a deeper way. Not just believe in him, which is what religion teaches us to do, but to actually believe God, which requires a deeper relationship with him.

For example, we can believe in God’s existence but not ever really have a relationship with him. God wants you to know him and to trust him with what’s going on. He loves you. He created you. He wants your good. He hates the way your husband treats you and he longs for you to see yourself as his daughter. It pleases him to make you strong and capable and wise. He doesn’t want you to allow the words of one person, even if he is your husband, to determine your value or worth.

Only God can give you the wisdom to handle this situation with strength and dignity. Only God can teach you how to overcome evil with good. Only God can show you how to forgive when you don’t want to or don’t feel like it (Click To Tweet).

Part of moving from lost to found is finding yourself in a deeper relationship with Jesus, even if not your husband. That is where your healing will come from, not your marriage or your man. That is where you will learn how loved, precious and forgiven you are. That’s where you will learn to handle disappointment and anger and hurt in a way that doesn’t damage who you are and who you were meant to become. And that’s where you learn how to love the unlovely and forgive the one who hurts you. Those things don’t come from human efforts, but from our security and trust in God and his love for us. From that new “found” place we become wise. We gain courage, and we grow strong so that we can change our own dance steps in our destructive marriage as well as invite our partner to change his.

Friend, when you felt lost, what helped you to find your way back to spiritual, emotional, and mental strength?

Five Indicators Of A Evil Heart! (Everyone, take five minutes to read this now, No excuses! Take a break.)

Five Indicators Of A Evil Heart

Share on LinkedInPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someoneShare on Facebook

As Christian counselors, pastors and people helpers we often have a hard time discerning between an evil heart and an ordinary sinner who messes up, who isn’t perfect, and full of weakness and sin.

I think one of the reasons we don’t “see” evil is because we find it so difficult to believe that evil individuals actually exist. We can’t imagine someone deceiving us with no conscience, hurting others with no remorse, spinning outrageous fabrications to ruin someone’s reputation, or pretending he or she is spiritually committed yet has no fear of God before his or her eyes

The Bible clearly tells us that among God’s people there are wolves that wear sheep’s clothing (Jeremiah 23:14Titus 1:10; Revelations 2:2). It’s true that every human heart is inclined toward sin (Romans 3:23), and that includes evil (Genesis 8:21James 1:4). We all miss God’s mark of moral perfection. However, most ordinary sinners do not happily indulge evil urges, nor do we feel good about having them. We feel ashamed and guilty, rightly so (Romans 7:19-21). These things are not true of the evil heart.

Below are five indicators that you may be dealing with an evil heart rather than an ordinary sinful heart. If so, it requires a radically different treatment approach.

  1. Evil hearts are experts at creating confusion and contention. They twist the facts, mislead, lie, avoid taking responsibility, deny reality, make up stories, and withhold information (Exodus 2:1Psalms 5:8; 10:7; 58:3; 109:2-5; 140:2; Proverbs 6:13,14; 6:18,19; 12:13; 16:20; 16:27, 28; 30:14; Job 15:35Jeremiah 18:18Nehemiah 6:8;Micah 2:1Matthew 12:34,35Acts 6:11-132 Peter 3:16).
  1. Evil hearts are experts at fooling others with their smooth speech and flattering words. But if you look at the fruit of their lives or the follow through of their words, you will find no real evidence of godly growth or change. It’s all smoke and mirrors (Psalm 50:19; 52:2,3; 57:4, 59:7; 101:7; Proverbs 12:5; 26:23-26; 26:28; Job 20:12Jeremiah 9:34; 12:6; Matthew 26:59Acts 6:11-13Romans 16:13,182 Corinthians 11:13,142 Timothy 3:2-5; 3:13; Titus 1:10,16).
  1. Evil hearts crave and demand control and their highest authority is their own self-reference. They reject feedback, real accountability and make up their own rules to live by. They use Scripture to their own advantage but ignore and reject passages that might require self-correction and repentance (Romans 2:8Psalms 10; 36:1-4; 50:16-22; 54:5,6; 73:6-9; Proverbs 21:24Jude 1:8-16).
  1. Evil hearts play on the sympathies of good-willed people, often trumping the grace card. They demand mercy but give none themselves. They demand warmth, forgiveness, and intimacy from those they have harmed with no empathy for the pain they have caused and no real intention of making amends or working hard to rebuild broken trust (Proverbs 21:101 Peter 2:16Jude 1:4).
  1. Evil hearts have no conscience, no remorse. They do not struggle against sin or evil, they delight in it, all the while masquerading as someone of noble character. (Proverbs 2:14-15; 10:23; 12:10; 21:27,29 Isaiah 32:6Romans 1:302 Corinthians 11:13-15).

If you are working with someone who exhibits these characteristics it’s important that you confront them head on. You must name evil for what it is. The longer you try to reason with them or show mercy towards them, the more you, as the Christian counselor, will become a pawn in his or her game.

They want you to believe that:

  1. Their horrible actions should have no serious or painful consequences. When they say, “I’m sorry”, they look to you as the pastor or Christian counselor to be their advocate for amnesty with the person they have harmed. They believe grace means they are immediately granted immunity from the relational fallout of their serious sin. They believe forgiveness entitles them to full reconciliation and will pressure you and their victim to comply.

The Bible warns us saying, “But when grace is shown to the wicked, they do not learn righteousness; even in a land of uprightness they go on doing evil and do not regard the majesty of the Lord (Isaiah 26:10).

The Bible tells us that talking doesn’t wake up evil people but painful consequences might. Jesus didn’t wake up the Pharisees with his talk nor did God’s counsel impact Cain (Genesis 4). In addition, the Bible shows us that when someone is truly sorry for the pain they have caused, they are eager to make amends to those they have harmed by their sin. (See Zacchaeus’s response when he repented of his greed in Luke 19.)

Tim Keller writes, “If you have been the victim of a heinous crime. If you have suffered violence, and the perpetrator (or even the judge) says, “Sorry, can’t we just let it go? You would say, “No, that would be an injustice.” Your refusal would rightly have nothing to do with bitterness or vengeance. If you have been badly wronged, you know that saying sorry is never enough. Something else is required¾some kind of costly payment must be made to put things right.” [1]

As Biblical counselors let’s not collude with the evil one by turning our attention to the victim, requiring her to forgive, to forget, to trust again when there has been no evidence of inner change in the one who has been practicing evil. Proverbs says, “Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips” (Proverbs. 25:19). It’s foolishness.

The evil person will also try to get you to believe

  1. That if I talk like a gospel-believing Christian I am one, even if my actions don’t line up with my talk. Remember, Satan masquerades as an angel of light (2 Corinthians 11:13-15). He knows more true doctrine than you or I will ever know but his heart is wicked. Why? Because although he knows the truth, he does not believe it or live it.

The Bible has some strong words for those whose actions do not match their talk (1 John 3:17,18Jeremiah 7:8,10James 1:22, 26). John the Baptist said it best when he admonished the religious leaders: “Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God (Luke 3:8).

If week after week you hear the talk but there is no change in the walk of that person, especially if you are also receiving feedback from the person who has been sinned against that there is continued covert harm, deceit, and manipulation, you have every reason to question that person’s relationship with God.

Part of our maturity as spiritual leaders is that we are to be trained to discern between good and evil. Why is that so important? It’s important because evil usually pretends to be good and without godly discernment we can be easily fooled (Hebrews 5:14).

When you confront evil, chances are good that the evil heart will stop counseling with you because the darkness hates the light (John 3:20) and the foolish and evil heart reject correction (Proverbs 9:7,8). But that outcome is far better than allowing the evil heart to believe you are on his or her side, or that “he’s not that bad” or “that he’s really sorry,” or “that he’s changing” when in fact, he is not.

Daniel says, “the wicked will continue to be wicked”, (Daniel 12:10), which begs the question, do you think an evil person can really change?

[1] Tim Keller, Jesus the King, page 172

Here is Leslie’s web site. You may be interested in these subject and want to go read. 

HERE ARE SOME MORE SUBJECT ON LESLIE’S WEB SITE ! (for souls in a body cast injury)
UNSUBSCRIBE? reply: unsubscribe please

To get your mind into something else!

Wonderful acts of kindness for our animal friends.

Every year humans build thousands of new roads, rails, airports and buildings.

Much of this wrecks the environment, and prevent animals from living in their natural habitats.

Yet, that is exactly why some kind people have decided to put their talents and industry to better use.

Here are 13 wonderfully kind creations, invented with no other purpose in mind

than the well-being of Mother Earth’s most delightful animals.

This bridge is just for forest creatures, Canada.

our Family Wizard (a way of communication with the “X”)

…this may be a different & safer way for you to communicate your difficult “X”?…

Plans and Pricing

affordable solutions.

 You are here

30 day money back guaranteePackage Options and Pricing (for EACH parent):

Package B – $209.97
• OFW Subscription 2 Years
• ToneMeter 2 Years (What is this?)
• 5 GB Space 2 Years (What is this?)
• Optional Auto-Renewal*
• Optional Co-Parent Inclusion*

Package A – $119.97
• OFW Subscription 1 Years
• ToneMeter 1 Years (What is this?)
• 5 GB Space 1 Years (What is this?)
• Optional Auto-Renewal*
• Optional Co-Parent Inclusion*
*(when applicable)

Basic parent subscriptions are currently priced for EACH parent as follows:
• $99.00 for a one year subscription per parent (27 cents a day) Check current exchange rate of $99 US Dollars in other currencies
$179.00 for a two year subscription per parent (24 cents a day) Check current exchange rate of $179 US Dollars in other currencies

Your co-parent may not be as committed to the idea of online communication and planning as you are.  In some cases, your co-parent may simply not take the initiative to register on the site and purchase an account. You can purchase an account for the other parent during your sign-up process.  Simply check the “I would like to pay for the other parent” option.

See below for information on the military family discount, scholarship accounts and promo/coupon codes.

Parent Account Features

The OurFamilyWizard® website Parent Account puts all of your family’s information at your fingertips. The parent account gives you access to:
• Private and Shared Family Calendars
• The Message Board (Tonemeter)
• Notifications and Reminders
• The Journal
• The Information Bank
• Online Access to Important Documents (My Files)
• The Expense Log (OFWpay)
• The Family Resource Section
• E-Coupons

These tools will revolutionize the way your family communicates and shares information. You may choose to use all of the features or you may only use a few, but either way you can rest assured that the information will be safe, secure and always accessible from the Internet.

Child Accounts are free

Each of the children can be given access to a special child account.
These accounts give child(ren) the ability to:

o    View the Shared Family Calendar
o    View the Message Boards
o    Create and view Journal Entries
o    View and use the Family Resource Section
The child account gives child(ren) the ability to see a restricted amount of information that is pertinent to them.

Third Party Accounts are free

The third party account gives the ability to see a restricted amount of information, which is pertinent to them.  These accounts give users the ability to:
o    View the Shared Family Calendar
o    View the Message Board

o    Create and view Journal Entries
o    View and use the Family Resource Section

Professional Accounts are free

The professional account gives you the ability to create parent accounts, manage a database of your clients, store important client documents online (judgment and decree, court orders, etc.), communicate with your clients, create client to do lists, and much more. This account gives you the ability to see what is actually going on in your cases. All of the information is directly tied to the parent accounts that you create. This means that there is no duplication of efforts or materials.  The professional account is free of charge.


Professional Bulk Account Purchase Options:

Many professionals prefer to offer the OurFamilyWizard® parent accounts to their clients as part of their retainer agreement.  We offer volume packages of parent accounts at a discount available only to professionals.  Different package sizes are designed to fit the size of your practice.  Current volume purchasing options are as follows:

Solo Practitioner
• 10 parent accounts for $899.00 (save $91.00)
Small Practice
• 20 parent accounts for $1,740.00 (save $240.00)
Large Practice
• 30 parent accounts for $2,520.00 (save $450.00)

If you are interested in purchasing more than 30 accounts, please contact Bryan Altman by email at or by phone at toll free 1 (866) 755-9991 ext. 2

  • 30 Day Money Back Guarantee
    No questions, no stipulations, no fees, no hassle.  We want you to be satisfied with the OurFamilyWizard website tools and services.  If you are unhappy for any reason with our services you can get a full refund within 30 days of signing up.

  • Military families discount
    Service members and their families undergo a very unique set of challenges.  Deployments and family relocations can be very stressful for a family.  These issues are compounded when divorce or separation takes place. To show our support for the Armed Forces we have decided to provide OurFamilyWizard subscriptions at a greatly reduced rate to military families.

  • Scholarship Accounts
    Since our inception, we have provided discounted or free accounts to low-income parents in need of assistance.  Over the past ten years, we have provided thousands of scholarships to parents in need.  We don’t want a tough financial position to keep your family from benefiting from our tools.



I took an interest in this when I read all the many many explanations with in this email that was sent to me.  I like the “aggressive” words! If anyone uses them, let me know if you were or are happy with their aggression on YOUR behalf.

Ads related to local divorce attorney

Fewer Hours. Lower Cost. Real Help.

With Unbundled Legal Help™ services, you may be able to retain a divorce attorney for as low as $500-1500.

We work with divorce attorneys in Reading, PA that provide both full representation and unbundled legal services.

“Unbundled” means you hire the attorney to handle only specific tasks, such as preparing the court documents or entering a limited appearance, and then you handle parts of the case on your own to save money. Fewer billable hours means less cost.

To be connected with a divorce attorney that serves Reading, PA, complete the request form. Not every case is a match for unbundled legal services, so ask your provider attorney if unbundled is right for you.

Confidential. No Obligation.

Free Consultation    click: next pop up over/under this blue title.







650 characters remaining.
Submit Your Request

Lookup a previous request.

Family Law Attorneys for Men (finally!)

Keep scrolling down!
Pass it on!

<!– –>1-866-DADS-LAW

Call our office today at

Family Law Attorneys for Men

Cordell & Cordell is an international domestic litigation firm focused on men’s divorce and all other family law practice areas.

Men have chosen Cordell & Cordell because of our dedication to leveling the playing field for men in family law cases.

Our mission is to be advisors and advocates for men before, during, and after divorce, with a passionate and intelligent devotion to excellence. Don’t face this process without Cordell & Cordell, a partner men can count on.


Cordell & Cordell has appears in Time, the Wall Street Journal, Huffington Post, New York Times, and many more

Best Holiday Wishes From Cordell & Cordell

While the holidays are a happy and joyous time for many families, they can be extremely difficult if you’re transitioning through a divorce or separation. Maybe this is the first time you’ve gone through the…

Three Cordell & Cordell Maryland Attorneys Named Rising Stars

Three Cordell & Cordell Maryland divorce attorneys were recently named Rising Stars in the family law practice area by Super Lawyers, a Thomson Reuters rating service of outstanding lawyers.  Kristine Rea and Jessica Zadjura earned…

Rated A+ by BBB

Recommeded Reading: Loving People How to Love & be Loved

Loving People: How to Love and Be Loved by [Townsend, John]

Your personal guide to learning how to love.

When you say or hear the words “I love you” it can change your life forever.   Love is one of God’s most important gifts to anyone, yet there are many misunderstandings about how to make love work in our families, friendships, marriages and dating relationships. In Loving People, best-selling author Dr. John Townsend shows you that love can actually be learned, and gives you the steps and tools to become skilled in love.

Using his trademark stories and illustrations to flesh out the important principles, Dr. Townsend covers:

  • receiving love
  • connecting love
  • healing love
  • confronting love
  • romantic love
  • surrendering love

Through his teaching, readers will discover – and start enjoying – the words, actions, and experiences of authentic love.

Recommended Reading: WHAT IS MY PURPOSE?

What Is My Purpose?: 8 Simple Steps to Find Your Purpose and Live a Life You Love (Finding Your Purpose Book) by [Foster, Simon]

What Is My Purpose?: 8 Simple Steps to Find Your Purpose and Live a Life You Love

Have you ever wondered if life has any meaning? Are you here just to survive a little? Is this life meaningless for you?

What if we were created for a purpose?

The ambition to discover the purpose of life is nearly as old as mankind. You have the striving desire to demonstrate yourself and others that you actually do have a purpose and that you are very good at it.

Unfortunately, many of us just waste our time wondering but never doing anything to discover life’s purpose or the true meaning of life.

Start taking action now and get the benefits of discovering your life purpose, the true meaning of your life and discover your personal mission.

By doing it you will start finally moving on the right direction to enjoy every second of a new self-designed meaningful life.

Recommended Reading: RUNAWAY EMOTIONS by Jeff Schreve

Runaway Emotions: Why You Feel the Way You Do and What God Wants You to Do About It by [Schreve, Jeff]

If we pay attention to the alarms in our lives, they could save us.

Worry. Anger. Loneliness. Negative emotions are uncomfortable by design. Like any good fire alarm, they alert us to a greater danger. But they won’t help us if we try to cover them up, hide them behind excuses, or assume they will always plague us.

The only healthy way to manage negative emotions is to find their source and address the problem that set them off. As pastor Jeff Schreve says, “A specific and compelling message can be found in each of your negative, painful emotions. God Himself is trying to speak to you through those emotions—right now.”

So what is God saying? How can we understand our emotions—even change them? Schreve shows how the truth of the Bible can make sense of our confusion. The power of the Holy Spirit can lead us to freedom, and Jesus Christ can give us true peace in the midst of any crisis.

You don’t have to let your emotions run away with you, your family, or your future.

Where Is God?: Finding His Presence, Purpose and Power in Difficult Times

Where Is God?: Finding His Presence, Purpose and Power in Difficult Times by [Townsend, John]

Hard times make us look for God.

Everyone has problems. But if we could solve all our difficulties ourselves, would we ever search for God? Psychologist John Townsend says “It is actually the very unfixability of our problems and our powerlessness to bring right results that keep us asking, ‘Where is God?'”

With a compelling narrative, Townsend offers new insights into the pursuit for God’s help and presence. Designed to give readers hope and meaning, he divides the discussion into three parts:

  • Why does a loving God allow us to experience difficulties?
  • How is God active in the middle of our hard times?
  • How can I find God?

With powerful stories and practical applications, Where Is God? assures readers that even when it feels as though God is absent it is his nature to be in relationship, to connect with, love, and guide us. And when we seek him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, he shows up in ways that transform us forever.

Breaking up with Perfect

Breaking Up with Perfect: Kiss Perfection Good-Bye and Embrace the Joy God Has in Store for You by [Carroll, Amy]

I have enclosed a review off of Amazon because it is well written and all encompassing.                  dl

4.0 out of 5 starsStudy section is the strength of this book

By Joan N. on July 7, 2015

Format: Kindle Edition

We are supposed to be perfect, aren’t we? We women certainly feel the pressure to be perfect – the perfect wife, the perfect mom, the perfect women’s ministry leader.

But Carroll says being a perfectionist, trying to be perfect, means trouble. She helps us understand how it affects our relationships (including our relationship with God), how it leads to feelings of failure, and how it over burdens us with responsibility.

Breaking up with perfect is not easy, especially when it has been with us so long. It can only be done by the power of God. Carroll, a recovering perfectionist, knows what she writes about. She shares many of her own struggles from her journey.

I really like that she explains how our beliefs shape us. There are certainly ramifications for believing what is not true. She helps us see that we are to put relationships over our perfection drive. She also helps us find out what defines us and whether we are driven by looking for other people’s approval. I was really convicted when she talked about playing the blame game. I appreciate her clarifying being a perfectionist as opposed to the work of God perfecting us. She also unpacks the “be perfect” Scripture, helping us understand it.

The strength of this book is in the extensive study section at the end. The questions at the end of each chapter are good for discussion, but the questions in the end section really go deeper and require honest thinking. They are good for individual use or for discussion within a trusted group.

I like that Carroll admits she does not have it all together. In fact, she writes, “…my life is far from perfect. And, I’m okay with that … for the first time ever.” If you are struggling with the pressure to be perfect, I recommend this very readable and encouraging book.

Food for thought:
“Seeing ourselves correctly as both loved and sinful is key to ending our love affair with Perfect.”

I received a complimentary e-galley of this book from the publisher for the purpose of an independent and honest review.

Blindsided by God: Disappointment, Suffering, and the Untamable Goodness of God

Blindsided by God: Disappointment, Suffering, and the Untamable Goodness of God by [Chin, Peter]

It took thirty years to build Peter’s faith, but only three months to knock it down.

When Peter Chin moved his family into an inner-city neighborhood to plant a church, he was sure he was doing what God wanted. But in the span of a few months his family experienced a heartbreaking miscarriage, a break-in at their home, a breast cancer diagnosis, and the termination of their health insurance. Why would God allow these things to happen?

But God had one more surprise prepared for the Chins: a child, conceived in the most unlikely and dangerous of circumstances, through whom Peter would realize that although God’s ways were wild and strange, they were always good.

Filled with twists and turns, deep insights, and surprising humor, Blindsided by God explores the reality of suffering, the mystery of God’s ways, and why, even in the darkest times, there’s always reason for hope.

Lawyers other DivorceCare members submitted as good ones.

#1) Charles Rick,
Rick Linn LLC,

933 N. Charlotte Street
Suite 1-A
Pottstown, PA, 19464

Office (610) 850-9036;

#2) I recommend them especially if your trying to keep any assets that are rightly yours. The son, Daniel Sager is very good.


43 E High St
Sager & Sager Assoc
Pottstown, PA, 19464-5426


3) Alan Zeigler
532 Elm St.
Reading, Pa. 19601
Oh and one more thing about him. One thing that I really like about him is how quickly he  gets back to me whenever I would call. It is almost always within 24 hours and that meant a lot to me because I would only call if it was something that I felt was very important.


Please, take a look at this link?

If you are a Christian, please look at this page and consider signing  on behalf of your brothers and sisters, in the Lord.
I can not imagine the terror and the horror, the severe pain, as bad or worse then ours going through the early days in divorce, a modern day holocaust worse than the Hitler organization,  doing unspeakable torments to these beloved human beings. Its Satanic!
Would you want someone to fight for you if you were in their shoes?  I would!

The Secret Me: A Questionnaire Journal Paperback –

I chuckled when I saw this book and had to take a look inside of it over at Amazon. (see link above) I have heard quite a few of you say that you don’t know who you are, or what you want to do with yourself, now that you have time to be alone again. I suggest that this would be a “fun” way to start to get to know YOU!