New Relationships Chapter 7

So, When do you think one is ready for a ‘New Relationship’?  Three months after the spouse has left?  When one is lonely? Or, ‘put a bandage on my Soul-wound would you… Or simply ‘when one feels like being with another person’? These are all a rather shaky ‘foundation’ for a marital relationship, don’t you think? Would you want someone to chose to go out with YOU for any one of these reasons?

All dating should be ‘data collecting’  time.  What kind of data do you want to collect? How much do you think you should tell about your marriage relationship woes?  Girls, if you tell a guy about how wrongly your husband treated you… do you think he will be careful NOT to treat you the same way….  well at lease while you are dating? Guys, how many girls will take you to bed because they know you are easily addicted to this kind of relationship? If you want to get serious, why not start with a list of attributes you want in your next partner, and seek those answers out? You could ask what they do for fun? What do they think of organized religion, How do they feel about God being taken out of school, Abortion, the Bible is it true? The casinos? Cheating?  what do they think about communication? What do they think is the hardest thing about relationship? What do they think about sex before marriage?  What do they do to pass time in pleasure? Note how they talk to strangers, how they spend their money, or feel towards people who spend a lot or save a lot… Need I go on?  (there are lots of books about this kind of thing)

Many people don’t realize that children have a HUGE impact on the relationship. This is NOT an easily blended situation even though at first both people involved want it to be!  Many want it to be so badly that they are in absolute denial of how the potential partner treats their children around them and or even behind their back. (giving them everything they want or buying them in relationship against previous spouse! Women especially are loyal to their children over their new husband and if they aren’t they are often stressed trying to be fair between the two!  Children often feel threatened of their security with mom. Even adult children sometimes resent the non-blood new spouse person!

What are your feeling towards your X-spouse? Have you reckoned with what went wrong? Do you know for sure you won’t pick the same character again? Have you released them from ‘paybacks’? Have you forgiven them? Do you want to hurt the next person you love, by taking out on them the anger you have subconsciously, towards the X? Are you healthy? I mean really,  do you have a clean bill of health for a New Relationship, physically and emotionally  and spiritually?

Is Jesus-God-the Holy Spirit CENTER of your life?  Is this relationship good and strong and Real? Can you be happy and successful in your life if you possibly never have another marital relationship?  They proceed with caution and prayer! God Bless!




2 comments on “New Relationships Chapter 7

  1. I waited 5 + yrs last time before I even started dating…and I went through Fresh Start 3 times and still ended up with a guy who slept with other people. But in Fresh Start they never told you not to tell the person you might date about your past relationship and what went on. They told you to tell the other person…I personally am not ready to date and I know that even a 1 yr & 7 months into my separation. I also don’t want my kids seeing me dating now or in the future due to I don’t want them to hurt more…My daughter has complained about my husband dating and his girlfriend staying over with her kids….my daughter has taught me a lot and I don’t think see realizes what she has taught me and how important it is for my kids and their mental well being. I just hope someone tells her and my son in the future so they realize I wasn’t thinking of myself first…I thought of them first and lived my life by God’s laws and honored my vows. I can only pray that they know this one day…


  2. Perhaps, and I never went to Fresh Start, they didn’t want one to have secrets? I can see if one is nearly engaged to be married, telling them of one’s past, if they really want to know, so that there are not “secrets”. But no way should this be the premise and major discussion with which a New Relationship is started! It is not healthy! It is indicative of residual issues not cured! There should be plenty of other things to talk about! I will say that I learned that my husband’s x-wife ‘left him for another man, her boss’ on our first date. That put me at ease with him somewhat but we didn’t discuss how they treated each other and so on. I know of an X-DivorceCare male whose 2nd relationship started with constant regular gripping about the “X”, got married & then turned divorce #2. Confession of his own lips when I asked what they had in common to begin with! (talking about the X’s!)
    Meanwhile Kim, I think you have learned lots of wisdom from your daughter. I believe that in time your husband will drive them back to you because of his 2nd relationship, plus kids? I could bet on it. I have seen it happen with a very good friend. Short one year marriage he had, and lost his girls right back to their mom. Yep, its the truth. Now, he has no one. Wife #2 left too.



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