Not a good day to ask me these questions…. I had a rough week, topped off with a rough weekend. I have hardly moved from the sofa last night or today. I bailed on church this morning. Just didn’t want to put on the “happy” face and pretent everything is ok. I didn’t have the energy. Having a very hard time shaking it all off. I go up and down. Tired of having no money, dealing with stress and life issues alone, and topped the weekend off by seeing “him” with “her” at his grandmother’s 90th birthday party. I was there to celebrate with Mammy and include my daughter in the celebration. But it was far from easy. And I just can’t seem to shake it since.
It’s only been 15 months and I can’t handle the loneliness… how am I going to feel in 2, 3, or 5 years. My college daughter went back to school last week after the Christmas vacation and my 16 year old is working every weekend. I am spending more time alone than I care for. I know I have lots of friends that always say.. .”just call. Your welcome any time”. I know they mean well, but I can’t spend my whole life hopping from one friend’s house to another. I need to accept that I am alone and learn how to deal with. Lord knows, I have enough housework and home “stuff” that needs to get done. I just can’t shake my depression some days and muster up the motivation to do anything. I am counting the days til Spring and the sunshine. I don’t think Winter helps me at all. Just another down period to get through… the up will come eventually. I can honestly say the good days were starting to out number the bad, but this week has made up for it I think.