https://www.facebook.com/KLine.Global/videos/334257334128224?s=1393525791&v=e&sfns=mo
DeEtta
The NEXT ROUND OF DIVORCECARE SEMINAR is about to start in the POTTSTOWN, PA. REGION
Please, Pass this around or cut copy paste….!
STARTS: JUNE 6th 2019 7-9 PM
DivorceCareontheSunPorch.com
Sign up through DivorceCare.org or email luvcuddlecats@verizon.net
Or
Answer to What is the most difficult thing after marriage? by Doug Armey
https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-most-difficult-thing-after-marriage/answer/Doug-Armey?ch=99&share=c6fa72b5&srid=dHwVv
DeEtta
Your circle should want you to win. Your circle should clap the loudest when you have good news. If they don’t, get a new circle.” || Kristen shared this yesterday and hot dang, she’s right. But I want to say something about this: We aren’t all blessed with a great circle all the time. Two things: One, make sure you’re being someone you’d want in your own circle. And two: No circle is better than a crappy circle. If you’re circle has to be just you and your dog for a little bit, that’s okay! And it’s better than filling your life with people who aren’t cheering you on. Value yourself enough to shrink your circle when you need to.
A bad hour doesn’t have to mean a bad day, a bad day doesn’t have to mean a bad week, a bad week doesn’t have to mean a bad month. || Things can (and usually will) get better. Don’t mentally throw the whole month out over a bad day.
Good childcare is worth every penny. || Jack’s nanny is a freaking gem. He loves her, she loves him, I no longer feel like the worst when I pull out of the driveway, and I know he’s safe the entire time I’m gone. This month especially, she’s been a lifesaver. She costs a lot more than I was paying before her, but I am not exaggerating when I say I would eat PB&J every night before I let her go. If you have a kid, I know how stressful childcare can be…but trust me, people like that are out there! Keep trying!
I can never live up north. || It has been cold (I mean, Florida cold, but still – cold) and I HATE IT. Not that I was planning on jetting off to live somewhere cold anytime soon, but still, good to know. It ain’t for me.
There is a direct correlation in the media I consume and the way I feel. || I feel like this is pretty much a “duh” kind of thing, but I paid extra attention to it this month. The days I listened to empowering podcasts and positive music were much better days for me.
Time spent with people I love is always going to be my love language & always going to be worth any effort it takes. || Today, I’m hanging out with one of my best friends. In order to make this happen, we had to plan literal months in advance, she had to take the day off of work, and I have to pay someone to watch Jack. WORTH EVERY STINKIN’ BIT.
Two things I heard this month that really struck a chord with me:
“Givers have to set boundaries, because takers rarely will.” -my friend Joey
“Just a reminder that Mary Oliver’s answer to her question, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” was to stroll idly through fields noting things. The question out of context could appear to be about achieving more – it’s not.” -Jessica Faith Kantrowitz
What is January teaching you?
Again, in Pottstown on the SunPorch, Thursday February 7th 2019 7-9 PM
We are starting with seminar Video #1 “What is happening to me?”
If you are separated, divorcing, divorced or even been divorced quite a few
years but still feel a bit of pain or there are issues between you and the kids,
there is still maybe something within that needs to be healed…? Maybe it is
worth your investment to come and glean whatever you can for yourself.
Interested? Then call me or email and sign up! The only cost o you is a
workbook for $20.00.
Phone: 610-334-6946
email: luvcuddlecats@verizon.net
for extra insights see: https://www.facebook.com/Sunporchchat/
This speaker in video is a guy named Kevin, I heard him as I sat listening to you tube political videos…… He calls his regular videos, Kevin’s Corner. Take a listen to what he has to say about what all is going on in the general popular media today. (CNN types)
He is spot on & has more details that he has astutely picked out & explained than I could even begin to tell! I like it when I find that I agree with wise people.
He sees the game plan in politics here in the USA and that is just what it is, a mind game that CNN, the View, and every other media outlet & so-called journalist that sounds even remotely like them, are spewing sewage into the minds of all of you who watch, listen to, believe and repeat them to another soul, in belief that this rhetoric is true! It is poison to your soul.
I am so dismayed and frustrated by this unrelenting continuous evil that I can now see how easily the Biblical book of Revelations will easily come true. Easily.
my piano teacher once said to me, “the masses are asses”. Oh Lord my God, it is so terribly true. God says that the gate through which we seek to enter to heaven is “Narrow”,
but the road to Hell is wide and many enter through it. (Matthew 7: 13-14) I used to think, oh but how could so many buy into that stuff…. but I see it now, even in people who I talk to,
who refuse to have a civil discussion about the state of our society, who don’t care, who for some petty, (yes petty) reason dislike President Trump because….. what about the things
people don’t like about you but are still your friend anyway! I digress… if you are not checking out deeply why your opposition is in opposition… then you are just “blind” to “truth” and
could care less about seeking it. And if that’s the case, then there is not much use in casting pearls before swine! (Matthew 6:7)
This page has a long list of information. Keep scrolling or go to web site as provided above!
Find hope. Find answers.
Find God in the storm.
Full of engaging stories, biblical teaching and practical questions for personal application and group discussion, these six new Bible studies will help you overcome everyday challenges.
These topical Bible studies contain six sessions per study. They are interactive, easy to follow and great for personal or small group study. Each includes tips for leading a group, space for journaling and practical steps for daily living.
Discover what God says about some of life’s toughest challenges.
Our audio broadcast from the award winning radio program, Hope For The Heart with June…
View original post 417 more words
This page has a long list of information. Keep scrolling or go to web site as provided above!
Find hope. Find answers.
Find God in the storm.
Full of engaging stories, biblical teaching and practical questions for personal application and group discussion, these six new Bible studies will help you overcome everyday challenges.
These topical Bible studies contain six sessions per study. They are interactive, easy to follow and great for personal or small group study. Each includes tips for leading a group, space for journaling and practical steps for daily living.
Discover what God says about some of life’s toughest challenges.
Our audio broadcast from the award winning radio program, Hope For The Heart with June Hunt, will provide you with biblical hope and practical help while empowering you to disciple others. Listen as June walks you through what the Bible says about more than 100 topics, learn what God’s word says about issues that impact people every day. Use this resource in addition to other Hope For The Heart products available for you to study on your own, with a group or to add to your church library.
Special audio broadcasts include:
• “9/11” Hope in Times of Terror
• The Journey Through DID – Dissociative Identity Disorder
• Healing the Hurting Heart
• Home Run for the New Believer
• Homosexual … No More! (Volume 1)
• Homosexual … No More! (Volume 2)
You may also be interested in June Hunt’s Music CDs.
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Abortion
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Assurance of Salvation
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Bible: Is it Reliable?, The
Blended Family, The
Boundaries
Bullying
Caring For a Loved One with Cancer
Child Evangelism
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Confrontation
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Counseling
Critical Spirit
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Dangerous Dating
Dating
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Depression
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Ethics & Integrity
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Evil & Suffering … Why?
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God: Who is He?
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Identity: Who Are You?
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Jesus: Is He God?
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Pregnancy … Unplanned
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Premarital Counseling
Pride & Humility
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The Prosperity Gospel
Purpose in Life
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Satan, Demons & Satanism
Self-Worth
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Success Through Failure
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Teenagers
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Time Management
Trials
Unbelieving Mate
Verbal & Emotional Abuse
Victimization
Widowhood
Wife Abuse
Workaholism
Worry
Hi all. I felt lead to share this with you guys. Also if anyone has James’s and Paul’s (or the Ladies) numbers feel free to share with them.
So Jake and I went to our old church (LCBC – Harleysville). And below is one of the Scriptures they cited to describe what it looks like to walk with the spirit and without the spirit. It is rare for them to use the message version of the Bible but I believe today this translation spoke not only to myself, but to my son.
“It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn’t the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God’s kingdom.
But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. Legalism is helpless in bringing this about; it only gets in the way. Among those who belong to Christ, everything connected with getting our own way and mindlessly responding to what everyone else calls necessities is killed off for good—crucified.”
Galatians 5:19-23 MSG
https://www.facebook.com/Sunporchchat/posts/1747207635346919 How many people do you know who are going through a divorce? How many of you really know what ‘they’ need to hear? How many of you know exactly what to say? The ‘wise’ people will tell them…. “Run just as fast as you can to the nearest open running divorcecare group!” It does not matter if they come on the last night or the first night because most would benefit for remaining in this group, cycling through it several times until they are fairly well grounded and healed! Now I warn you, people who are hurting want to go and hibernate in a squirrel hole somewhere… that may be OK rather than going to a dance party! However, in this group they will find validation, others suffering the same internal pain, and lots of valuable information from fantastic speakers on the seminar videos, encouragement and prayers & answers to prayers! A once local counselor, Leslie Vernick is on these videos adding good words of wisdom. A bottle of clear water looks drinkable until it is shook and the dirt in the bottom is stirred up! There are well known teachers, preachers, psychologists, psychiatrists, and alumni of previous Divorcecare groups from years ago, now healed and living out different lives that are filled with hope, peace, and joy. We have come to see in many cases that God allows hurtful things to come into our lives, because that is when He has our full attention.
THE WORKBOOK LOOKS LIKE THIS BELOW & only costs $20.00 to use forever.
Table of Contents in Workbook:
SESSION 1 WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?
SESSION 2 THE ROAD TO HEALING / FINDING HELP
SESSION 3 FACING MY ANGER
SESSION 4 FACING MY DEPRESSION
SESSION 5 FACING MY LONELINESS
SESSION 6 WHAT DOES THE OWNERS MANUAL SAY
SESSION 7 NEW RELATIONSHIPS
SESSION 8 FINANCIAL SURVIVAL
SESSION 9 KIDCARE ( BUT MY kids ARE ADULTS!) Yes but,… COME
ANYWAY, THEY ARE STILL YOUR KIDS & AFFECTED)
SESSION 10 SINGLE SEXUALITY
SESSION 11 FORGIVENESS
SESSION 12 RECONCILIATION
SESSION 13 MOVING ON, GROWING CLOSER TO GOD.
Click or copy & copy paste if does not populate.
From her: “Got the call from Temple’s Transplant team today. They are putting together a testing schedule for me. First all the tests, then it goes to a committee for approval. ( I feel like i’m on American Idol haha)
Need a support person with me at each visit. And a lot of the testing will be in Philadelphia. (Open up your couch Stacey I’m camping out.
In addition, I have to make Dentist appointment, OBGYN appointment, Vision appointment, Nephrology appointment ugh!”
Thank you for your prayers for her situation. I can imagine some of you saying… wish He would answer some of my prayers as fast as that….. Am I right? Hey I have thought like such myself, -get Real! Jesus wants us to be loving… thus be happy for her.. not envious or jealous. We have no idea who watches our walk and wonders why we continue to believe as the Enemy continues to throw muck at us. Never forget Job and he had no idea of the conversation between satan and the Lord God! His life was rewarded for trusting God through it all. Time here is very short even though we suffer much at times. Remember this, Eternity, where the promise told is that there will be no more tears, no more emotional or physical pain or loneliness, time here, in retrospect from there, will then even more so be a vapor of remembrance. Better to suffer here, for choosing “RIGHTNESS” regardless rejection, regardless doing without, regardless the desire to hurt those who hurt us, if we be a testimony that brings onboard someone else, heaven will be a very fine reward…., far better than spent in hell for reason of making our “self” come first in the place of God, forever,……………………………. Yes?
To all my faith believing friends: Amy Voshell Snider is an alumni of DivorceCare back around 2008 or 2009. I know Rose Reigner and Kim Colletti would know Amy I am sure. She is newly married in the past year I believe to the “perfect” man! Thats what she says, I am telling you! Wouldn’t it be interesting to meet him /them! I don’t know how public her FB page is but she needs prayer as often as the Holy Spirit brings her to your mind. She is laying in the hospital, I believe waiting for a heart for transplant. Her heart is stopping completely these days and something similar to a pacemaker starts it up again. Without this, her new husband would be with out her. Praise God for the miracles of science in medicine today or she wouldn’t be even on a waiting list. Somewhere we hope that if its in Gods plan for someone else to graduate to heaven, who days are slso numbered soon to be leaving this time on earth, that maybe the heart will be the right fit for Amy. She requests prayer. I am sure she would appreciate a reach out to her from some of you who remember her as well. I know that
This Word about numbered days is found in Job 14:5-7. A man’s days are numbered. You know the number of his months. He cannot live longer than the time You have set. So now look away from him that he may.
psalm 39:4-13. 4 “ LORD, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is.5 You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.” Interlude 6 We are merely moving shadows, and all our busy rushing ends in nothing. We heap up wealth, not knowing who will spend it. 7 And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you. 8 Rescue me from my rebellion. Do not let fools mock me. 9 I am silent before you; I won’t say a word, for my punishment is from you. 10 But please stop striking me! I am exhausted by the blows from your hand. 11 When you discipline us for our sins, you consume like a moth what is precious to us. Each of us is but a breath. Interlude 12 Hear my prayer, O LORD ! Listen to my cries for help! Don’t ignore my tears. For I am your guest— a traveler passing through, as my ancestors were before me. 13 Leave me alone so I can smile again before I am gone and exist no more.
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Very soon now, Thursday Feb 1 st @ 7PM we will begin the next round of 13 weekly seminar series of videos. To reserve a seat please sign up as we only have room for twelve, this keeps it comfortable, easy for all to share & know each other.
email: luvcuddlecats@verizon.net or go to
http://www.DivorceCare.org plug in Pottstown zip code 19464, search for DivorceCare on the Sunporch or tell folks to go to go to FB search @Sacrificed4Selfishness and email from there!
There are videos here that I that I am not sure if they copied over to FB page or not. Which ever sight works, send anyone in need to the page! Thank you I am sure all will be glad to learn more about this National Organization of DivorceCare. Hope to hear from all who want to come soon! Rick & DeEtta A workbook will cost you $20.00, please come prepared!
These days we are influenced by a culture of talk and tweets. We’re told to express our feelings, hold nothing back. We’ve all seen in national news how people’s unrestrained talk and tweets get them into public hot water. Every day I see the relational fallout that comes from thoughtless, foolish, deceitful, and cruel words.
But there are times we ought to keep our negative thoughts and emotions to ourselves and refuse to give them a voice. The Bible warns us that our tongue can be a mighty weapon, for good and for evil. (James 3:6-10). Proverbs says, “Reckless words pierce like a sword” (Proverbs 12:18). We can damage a person’s spirit, family, or reputation by blurting out negative thoughts and feelings without any thought or prayer. Yes, it might temporarily help you feel better when you’re mad or hurt to blurt them out, but I liken blurting to vomit. It does feel better to get vomit out, but vomit belongs in the toilet and not on another person.
It’s not only good for the other person that you learn not to blurt your negative thoughts and feelings during moments of great intensity. It is also good for you.
Proverbs 21:23 says, “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity.”
Proverbs 13:3 says, “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.”
1 Peter 3:10 says, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech.”
Imagine how much better you would feel if you weren’t always complaining or critical of something wrong in your life? How would your relationships be improved if the people in your life weren’t wary of your reckless or deceitful words? How different would you feel about yourself if you weren’t so captured by your own negative feelings and thoughts?
Here are three things you can do to stop blurting.
Dietrich Bonheoffer said, “Often we combat our evil thoughts most effectively if we absolutely refuse to allow them to be expressed in words…It must be a decisive rule of every Christian fellowship that each individual is prohibited from saying much that occurs to him.”
Decide today that you will no longer let your negative feelings get the best of you and hurt other people.
Go to this link if not found below
http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_575f18d0e4b0e4fe51436087
06/14/2016 06:10 pm ET
7 Signs Your Partner Is Too Selfish For A Relationship
If you’re only there to stroke his or her ego, it’s time to leave.
JACQUIE BOYD VIA GETTY IMAGES
“Wait, could you stop so I can get a selfie?”
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Not everyone you find yourself attracted to is necessary cut out for a relationship. Unfortunately, some people have a long way to go until they’re compassionate and selfless enough to give out genuine love.
Below, therapists and other relationship experts share seven signs the person you’re seeing is too self-centered for a long-term relationship.
If you never feel quite good enough for your partner — and she’s much more interested in what you do than who you are — consider it a big, glaring red flag, said Karyl McBride, a therapist and author of Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family.
“The ‘what you do’ may be status-oriented qualities, like looks or career accomplishments, but often it is about what you ‘do’ for her,” she said. “You will find that your partner is not as interested in who you really are as a person because she lacks the capacity to emotionally tune in and provide empathy. In this situation, you don’t feel seen or heard and often feel invisible.”
People with narcissistic personalities put high expectations on others — and when you fail to meet those expectations, judgement almost always follows, said Jan Hill, a Toronto-based counselor and author of Happy Sex: Putting Passion and Play Back into Your Relationship.
“To help you meet those expectations, people with big egos establish rules,” she said. “For example, one narcissist I know wanted his girlfriend to give him 24-hour notice if she was going out with her friends and he wanted to know where she was going. Meanwhile, he maintained spontaneity in his own social life.”
Relationship rules that aren’t applied equally “create resentment, anger and shut down any possibilities for real, respectful and honest love,” Hill said.
Your partner should value your opinion, embrace a team mentality and consider the collective couple when making decisions, said Samantha Burns, a Boston-based relationship counselor and dating coach. When you’re with a quality partner, your happiness matters just as much as hers.
“If she doesn’t stop to think about your preferences, she likely won’t be able to prioritize your happiness at any point,” Burns said. “This can lead to dissatisfaction, disconnection and a potential breakup.”
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A narcissistic personality will share the spotlight, but only up to a point. The second your success starts to overshadows his there’s bound to be trouble, Hill said.
“If you have your own career aspirations and your success could take the spotlight off him, he will sabotage you,” she said. “One classic sabotage technique is this: just before your big interview, your partner will make a demand of your time or have an emotional fit that will distract you from your goal and you will fail to achieve to the best of your potential because you were too busy helping out.”
Getting home and ranting to your partner about subway outages and your crappy workday is one of the great joys of life. You deserve someone who not only asks, “how was your day, honey?” but actuallylistens to what you have to say, even if your response is 90 percent complaining, Burns said.
“It’s hard to feel like you really matter to someone who always dominates the conversation — it’s as if you’re only there to stroke his ego,” she said “To be with someone who never stops to ask about how your day was is a red flag. The one-sided dynamic can leave you in the shadows and unhappy.”
Good luck getting a word in edgewise; a self-centered partner seems to enjoy the sound of her voice a lot more than yours, said Debra Campbell, a psychologist and couple’s therapist in Melbourne, Australia.
“And when you disagree, your partner is more concerned with defending her position than acknowledging your point of view,” she said. “Feeling heard is a vital part of feeling loved, so the result is usually to feel emotionally sidelined when a partner consistently doesn’t listen well.”
Compromise is essential in any healthy relationship. It should worry you if your partner doesn’t care about your opinion, isn’t willing to take “no” for an answer or guilt trips you into making decisions, Burns said.
“You shouldn’t have to beg, nag or pull teeth to get your partner to participate in your activities, whether it’s the vacation spot you’ve been dying to get to, or the restaurant you want to try for dinner,” she said. “Your needs and wants are just as important as hers and you will likely grow resentful if your mate can’t create a healthy balance of compromise.”
What do 'YOU' do when you are in 'emotional' pain? Recently, someone said to me, "You have to find something different to use to 'soothe' the pain." Hummm, well I love to look up definitions, so check this out. To soothe means several things, but in this case I am specifically using this definition: to exert a soothing influence; bring tranquillity, calm, ease, or comfort.
Quite frankly, I use 'sugar' or better said, eating, sipping, picking, nibbling, tasting, snacking, sweet,
sometimes salty, always yummy items on the taste buds, roast a marshmallow over the stove burner, all usually while mulling over things. You know, past the lips straight to the hips… or belly, no matter, it is very poor care of my 'temple' not to mention addictive and rather unsightly in my full length mirror at times! So, Yes I must change this! Furthermore, I realize that after all my years of living, "pain" just isn't going away! Matter of fact it seems as I am getting older, it is even more frequent a visitor. 'Age' brings knowledge that hurts, well really knowledge of all kinds. I do trust the Lord! He is going to use the hurt, the stress, the upheaval, the illness, the job loss, the changes I am not prepared for,… to move me forward towards my eternal destination and continue to shape my character to be more like Jesus. However, this does NOT annihilate pain!
This internet thing can bring some interesting options to mind fast when all one has to do is "Google it"! So that is what I am doing in my spare time, looking for ideas people have written and floated out there on this. So what you got to offer up?
Since many of you are experienced at this, (feeling pain) I am putting out the question to you! What positive action or choice do you know is good, right, and works well for you much of the time? Thank you right up front a while, because I am sure I am not the only one who will benefit, but many others here will too!
{This is TRUTH, I have been bold when a couple we knew were fighting and one was ready to leave…. I said, you aren’t going any where if you want to please God. Furthermore, you walk out that door, you are telling her you give up, and you aren’t fighting for anymore.’ No one wants to think they aren’t worth hanging in with the fight, until it comes to some kind of resolution! And not one ofgiving ip on love. This story is beautifully accurate. So get to it and READ!!!!!! If you know marriages that are struggling or headed towards separation or Divorce, send to each person! Send to acquaintenances you don’t know well, so they know you know & you care! Lastly, perhaps post to your page where maybe a situation you don’t know about, is quietly unfolding badly, pray for strength to be HONEST, KIND, & LOVINGLY firm, should you enter a conversation that calls for this kind of genuine, authentic, real, caring, LOVE. Then PRAY for them. We live in a cultural environment that essentially says, “If it feels good, do it!”, or, “Hey you deserve Happiness, after-all doesn’t God want you to be Happy?” !!! That, people, is the Snake talking! Do not be decieved! ~Dee}
For Every MomMenu
We Told Our Friends “We’re Getting Divorced”—Their Response? Changed Everything
Ours was a fairytale wedding, but after two years we announced we were getting divorced. Then our friends and family did something we did NOT see coming.
Tammie Haveman By Tammie Haveman
Ours was a fairytale wedding. Madly in love, tears of joy streaming down our cheeks, we promised unwavering devotion to each other for better or worse.
When we were declared husband and wife, I thought my happily ever after was about to commence.
Only it didn’t.
It turned out that marriage was not what either of us expected. We brought into it two imperfect people who struggled to find our footing as we navigated old baggage, misunderstanding and conflict.
We said things we shouldn’t have said and each demanded our own way. We doused every argument with fire and allowed selfishness to seep into the fabric of our relationship.
And though we read all the books and prayed all the prayers, we nearly buckled under the weight of the perfect image we’d created for our relationship. After all, we were the quintessential Christian couple. We loved Jesus. We were supposed to be nailing this marriage thing.
IMG_3592
Our fledgling marriage quickly spiraled downward. And within two years, as young and defeated adversaries, we stood at the edge of divorce ready to jump.
Sometimes I’m haunted by how close we came to walking away from our marriage. By the world’s standards of a happy marriage, no one would’ve blamed us. Because we were miserable and had grown apart in every sense of the word.
But we were given a gift of immeasurable value: truthful words spoken by faithful friends.
As we slowly revealed the impending devastation of our marriage to family and friends, we were met with one overwhelming response: not on our watch.
I logged countless nights sitting cross legged on the floor of my bedroom, forehead pressed against the mattress, sobbing as I poured out our troubles to my friend Kim. She listened for hours at a time, wisely coaching me to love my husband and walk in a manner pleasing to the Lord. She always reminded me that my behavior was my own responsibility and advised me to treat my husband with respect – regardless of how I felt about him.
When Dave lamented to Kim’s husband, Dan how unfortunate it was that our marriage was ending, Dan pointedly told him no, it wasn’t. He reminded Dave of the vows he made before God and family and clearly stated that he expected Dave to live up to the commitment he made.
Dave’s parents stepped in with unwavering encouragement and gentle admonition to keep our covenant before God. My mom, having been down the road of divorce, offered endless compassion and urged me to fight for my marriage knowing divorce would be far worse.
Other friends and family who knew our marriage was crumbling covered us in prayer and love but didn’t stop there. They weren’t afraid to hold us accountable to our vows and our own behavior.
Looking back, Dave and I marvel that no one … NO ONE … told us what we wanted to hear or let us off the hook of the commitment we made. In fact, we laugh today at the choice words we wanted to fire back when hard words were spoken to us in love.
We are grateful that after supporting us through the storms of our early marriage, key friends and family continued to walk with us for the next eighteen years, speaking Godly truth through seasons of trials and joy.
friends
Real love has the courage to say hard things.
The world tries to tell you that happiness is simply a matter of putting yourself first. A true friend will remind you that selfishness is the cancer of relationships, especially marriage, and that love always puts others first.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Philippians 2:3-4
The world tries to tell you that a good marriage is full of romantic feelings. A true friend will remind you that feelings are fleeting and a good marriage is full of commitment and hard work.
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8
The world will tell you to run when the going gets tough. A true friend will remind you that your vows matter and encourage you to keep walking through the fire. Because there will be deeper love and great joy on the other side if you don’t give up.
If a man vows a vow to the Lord, or swears an oath to bind himself by a pledge, he shall not break his word. He shall do according to all that proceeds out of his mouth. Numbers 30:2
Had we given up, we would’ve thrown away the most treasured relationship in each of our lives. We are by no means perfect, and neither is our marriage, but we are best friends. We are closer, stronger, more committed and far more in love now than we were twenty years ago as naive kids looking for a fairy tale.
I realize that there are grave issues that can lead a couple to divorce and not every marriage can be saved. But the most cited reasons for divorce are things like communication problems, arguing and unmet expectations. And studies have shown that most couples regret their divorce in the long run. Still our society is quick to usher couples down the path of divorce towards a mirage of happiness. This ought not be so.
Maybe you know someone who is struggling in their marriage. Have the courage to speak gentle truth over them. Always with tenderness and covered in prayer, wade into the weeds with that weary couple to encourage them in their marriage. Let truth drown out the lies that the world doles out about marriage and happiness. And point them to the Lord every step of the way.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 27:6
photo credit: alisonleaphoto.com
photo credit: alisonleaphoto.com
This article originally appeared at Twenty Shekels.
Tammie Haveman
By Tammie Haveman
Tammie is the wife to a gem of a husband and mama to four of the nicest kids you’ll ever meet. She chases her kids and a menagerie of horses, goats, and chickens around her little hobby farm out in the Minnesota countryside. Tammie is passionate about God’s command to love and serve others in community. She plays an active role in women’s ministry at her church and serves as assistant director of a nonprofit that wraps around isolated kids and families. Tammie blogs about hospitality, faith, and serviceat http://www.twentyshekels.com. You can also catch her on Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.